


What a Criminal World

by girlboss_yonoi



Category: Senjou no Merry Christmas | Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence | Furyo (1983)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29992398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlboss_yonoi/pseuds/girlboss_yonoi
Summary: Hi :) this is the first time I have written anything in a Long Time so it might not be the best but whatever, I will put the trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter but basically it is mostly not that heavy or graphic dw. Anyways I hope you enjoy :) !! (Also every title of chapter and the fic title is a bowie song reference lol). Anyways actual summary uhhh basically it starts off when jack gets out of the cell and grabs Lawrence except they actually escape this time. Yeah. Ok bye ily <3
Relationships: Jack Celliers/Captain Yonoi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Hang On To Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings for: slight period typical homophobia, light sexual mentions, mentions of g*ns (brief and not graphic), and lots of war mentions.

I ran with John Lawrence over my shoulder as fast as I possibly could. I didn't think, just ran. I ran past the hospital wing, past the edible flowers, and suddenly I was in a forest. The trees were thick and it was dark. I knew I should fear running into them but I trusted my athleticism despite having been deprived of proper nutrients ever since my arrival in the POW camp. Lawrence didn't seem to be protesting but I think he might have been hit by a few branches a couple times… oops. 

As I ran on my energy started to disappear and suddenly I was walking. I couldn't carry Lawrence anymore because he outweighed me, even if only by a little. I made a brave decision and stopped. 

We had landed in a small patch of space surrounded by trees, I could finally see and I noticed the sun was starting to come up. Quickly I devised a plan. There would be no telling whether or not the japanese soldiers had noticed our absence yet or were going to find us. I put Colonel Lawrence down, who was now fast asleep (I was beginning to suspect they had given him something before tying him up). Looking around I spotted some bushes, and I immediately got to work pulling them out of the ground and moving them to cover up Lawrence and I. It was a pathetic desperate attempt at staying hidden but it was all I could think of. Either we make it out alive or we don't. 

As soon as my body hit the ground, I was fast asleep.

The air was thick and cold when I arose, for a second I was confused, but suddenly it all came back to me.

I was free.

 _Don't get your hopes up yet_ I told myself, _they could find you any second._

Yet still, something told me I wouldn't be staying in a prisoner camp anytime soon.

When John had gathered up enough strength and consciousness, we started walking again.

"So tell me Jack, how did you manage to get out?" Lawrence said in his nasally voice.

"Well someone came in and tried to kill me, but I knocked them out and escaped." 

"Jesus…" 

As we walked through the forest I began to go back to my thoughts, which was not ideal at this moment.

For some reason I felt like I was betraying someone, almost like I had done to my brother…

I couldn't figure it out, was it the war? No fuck the war. The war has done nothing but hurt and punish me. 

Then to who, my fellow soldiers? Most were idiots and while they were fun to converse with, I had never felt any particular attachment. Except for Lawrence of course, my old friend.

The air was brisk and it made me think of England, my home.

But was it even my home anymore? 

So much of my life had been consumed by the war that I wasn't sure where to go now. Of course it's much better to be free and confused than captured and sure.

All of a sudden I felt someone grabbing at my shoulder which sent chills through me, but it was just Lawrence. It seemed that I had been so lost in my thoughts that I wasn't taking in anything else. 

"I can't walk much further Jack…" John sounded absolutely exhausted.

"Well let us stop here then." 

I wasn't sure what time it was or how long we had travelled but it would be better than to keep going and lose all our strength. 

We both sat down. I looked off in the distance, my mind completely blank this time.

It was silent for what seemed like hours, we both stood up and stretched every once in a while but there was never a word spoken. There was so much to discuss that it was intimidating. 

I don't remember the sun going down or falling asleep again but it surely happened. When I awoke the next morning I felt rested and ready to find a safe town with food and water and a bed to sleep in. 

John must have gotten some rest as well because suddenly he was babbling away about how he never expected this to happen and would miss some of the soldiers, both english and japanese. I responded when appropriate and listened as much as I could because I knew it would be an easy distraction from the likes of my mind.

Suddenly, Colonel Lawrence paused and sighed. It seemed as though he was trying to gather up the courage to say something.

The moment was awkward, until finally, he spoke.

"What do you think of Yonoi?" 

The question hit me like a wall of bricks.

"I think he needs to pull that stick out of his arse," I joked. But that wasn't what I wanted to or should have said.

"You know he sort of, favored you above the other soldiers. He was planning to replace Hicksley with you as commander of the prisoners." 

I sighed. "Why do you think he favored me?" 

"I'm not sure." It was a lie. I could feel it, John must've known or at least guessed the truth and was holding it back for some reason. 

It was silent from then on. 

Just about ten minutes later I was yet again being consumed with my thoughts. A crazy idea entered my brain. _What if the thing you feel like you're betraying is Captain Yonoi?_ At first I doubted it. I am betraying the enemy and that should be a _good_ thing. Why would I feel guilty? 

There seemed to be something at the back of my brain that was trying to tell me why, but was being silenced for some strange reason. 

All thought exited my head when I heard the noises of people talking. I wasn't sure if I should be excited or scared, for it could mean one of two things. 1) That the Japanese soldiers had found us, or 2) we had found a town. 

I looked over at John, who seemed to be thinking the same thing as me. 

I listened closely in order to hear the voices clearly. Of course, everyone was speaking in Japanese. But when I heard the voice of a young child happily babbling to their mother, I knew we were safe. Well, safe enough to maybe find some shelter before someone informs the soldiers of our presence. 

As we walked on the crisp air was starting to smell less like a forest and more like a town. Suddenly waves of comfort and longing washed over me, I felt okay. For the first time in months, hell, years even. Despite my body being malnourished and my mind filled with worry and hopelessness, something in my heart felt right for the first time in a long while. 

I was free. 

The town was small and it appeared to be quite the mixture of people, and John and I were quick to realize that this was a hidden town of people who either had escaped the war, or never wanted to take part in it in the first place. It was perfect for our situation.

We found a hotel, and the owner let us stay despite not having the money. The hotel café was packed every night with people from all around town, people who spoke different languages and had completely different ideas and senses of humor, would come together in this tiny café and drink and toast and sing and laugh. It made me realize how humans are not so different from one another, despite how much we are on the surface level. 

On the second night there, Lawrence and I were sitting at a small table. It was still early, so not many had showed up.

"So Jack, have you got someone to go home to?" 

The question had been inevitable. 

"Unfortunately not."

"Ah." Lawrence took a sip from his beer, and looked off in the direction of the windows. 

"As soon as this bloody war is over I'm going back to my wife. I'll pick up a small job maybe, retire from this field of work. One war is enough, I never want to hear a gunshot again." 

I shouldn't have been surprised that John had a wife, being such a handsome fellow in a high position of the army. Yet it was so strange to hear that the men you kid around and joke with in the somewhat immature setting of the war actually have lives outside of that. The worst part was I was envious. Despite having a past that I was not proud of, my entire being and life had become the war. 

I had hooked up with people a few times, but never actually committed myself to a relationship. It was dangerous, especially being the way that I am. 

That was another thing that I was trying not to think about. My sexual attraction to both men and women. 

I knew bisexuality and homosexuality existed, I had spent enough time getting bullied by schoolmates who would call me and my brother fairies and other various words. 

Of course if I happened to fall in love with a woman there would be no problem at all. I would have to keep all that secret yes, but my relationship with her would not be seen as immoral or disgusting. 

A man however would be… difficult. I had gotten over my issues with my sexuality and the way society views it long ago. I was somehow able to convince myself that it didn't matter what other people thought, I wasn't harming anyone by being attracted to men. It was perfectly fine. 

The issue was that society didn't understand that. 

I went to bed that night worried. If I were to pursue romance, which was something I truly wanted despite denying it vocally, it would be a dangerous game.


	2. Cried So Much My Face Was Wet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Yonoi's pov this time, this is probably going to be the heaviest chapter and if you are sensitive to the triggers I mention in the notes I suggest you skip the first part of the chapter. (Aka not me projecting onto Yonoi haha...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for: brief self harm (no blood or anything), internalized homophobia, panic attack, self hatred/self depracation, crying, and uhh one tiny heart attack mention at the end of the chapter

How had I let this happen.

How. 

When the news had been brought to me that Major Celliers and Colonel Lawrence had escaped the previous night, I knew this would not be good for me in any way. 

I was filled with immense anger at myself for letting Celliers escape. The worst part was that I didn't know if I was angry because I had let my superiors down, or because I would not get to see Celliers anymore. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was the latter that was true, but I hated to think that.

I hated myself for thinking that.

_It's wrong._

The words echoed in my head. Everything I had ever been taught as a child was that feelings of a romantic nature towards another man were wrong, disgusting, and of course, punishable by death.

I was overwhelmed in the moment and the only thing I could think to do was to bite and chew on my fingers. It took the emotional stress away, and strangely felt good. This was something I had been finding myself doing often in moments like this. I rarely ever broke my skin, unless it was a very bad day. 

I found myself crying not a moment later, another thing that felt good in these moments. It shouldn't have, but it did. 

Later that afternoon I made my rounds with the prisoners, some of them would taunt me with words I didn't understand but couldn't be good. That was not unusual. What was unusual was that I didn't respond. I didn't beat any of them or shout at them, I just kept walking. 

My mind was both empty and full at the same time. Everything and nothing was bothering me. 

I got back to my room and fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. 

In my dreams I was approached by my superiors, they laughed at me and mocked me and told me I wasn't fit for this job anymore. They threw me out and suddenly I was being buried alive in a coffin. I was trying to breath but I couldn't. One moment I was ready to accept death but then I woke up. Except, I still was barely breathing. 

I was filled with worry and intense emotional stress as I breathed shallow breaths. I wasn't sure what was happening but I wished it would stop. It went on for what seemed like hours and then suddenly it was over. 

Not a moment later there was a very loud knock on my door that sent me shaking. I got up quickly and pulled on a shirt and spoke.

"Come in." My voice didn't sound as demanding as I had wanted it to, in fact quite the opposite. It was small and quivery. 

The door opened, it was Sergeant Hara. He bowed his head, and spoke.

"Major Watanabe wants to speak with you." 

This couldn't be good. 

As I walked towards the Major's office I put on a professional face and demeanor as best I could. 

There was a very high chance I was going to be fired. _Very_ very high.

I knocked on the door, feeling nauseous from anticipation of what was about to happen.

"Come in." Major Watanabe spoke sternly. 

I opened the door and bowed my head. 

"Have a seat." 

I pulled the chair out and sat down very nervously. I didn't dare look Watanabe in the eye, which was considered rude, but I had lost all self control at this point. I was overcome by fear. 

"As you know Captain, last night two prisoners managed to escape." 

I gulped. 

"One of these prisoners was Major Jack Celliers, yes?" 

"Yes." 

"It seems as though your behaviors towards Major Celliers have been favorable. Normally, you are strict and fierce with the prisoners, but you quite obviously have some sort of weakness for Celliers." 

I was even more nauseous than before, I found myself nearly unable to move. 

The Major went on, not noticing. 

"Such behavior is not tolerated in your position. I am afraid we have no choice but to replace you with Sergeant Hara." 

Hara??? What did he have that I didn't? He was often drunk on the job and bad at following orders. Yet I suppose that didn't matter to them, as long as he was fierce with every prisoner. Which he certainly was. 

So where did that put me? A Sergeant again? 

I should have been listening because the Major had given me some sort of directions, and I agreed to follow them despite not knowing what they were. 

Watanabe dismissed me from the room and I made a bold decision. I walked back to my room, preparing to run away. 

I grabbed a few clothes that were not my uniform, as well as some money, and I set out. Leaving my sword and uniform behind. 

Leaving the war behind.

I walked through the thicket of the woods doing my best to keep hidden, as it was broad daylight. 

Where was I going? 

_To Celliers._

The answer was clear finally. I didn't even think about where he might have gone, I just trusted my instincts. 

I tried not to think too hard because it would just lead to a downward spiral of self hatred. So I just tried to keep the image of Jack- _Celliers_ in my head. 

I remembered the moment in which he had held out the flower in front of me. His strange, mismatched eyes present as ever. I remembered when I had first seen him, in the small courtroom where I had embarrassed myself by speaking the line from Hamlet. I remembered when he had been lying behind the other prisoners recovering, and I had asked my soldiers to make sure he was alive. 

Looking back I realized just how completely obvious I had been. Those below me were, of course, never to question me. Yet they could still report me to my superiors, which is evidently what had happened. 

I was beginning to notice the sun going down but I kept walking, I needed to be as far away from this place as possible. 

I wasn't looking at the ground but when I found a patch of no trees I saw human footprints, and evidence that two people had slept here. 

I looked around, and saw two pairs of footprints leading out. I followed them like my life depended on it. 

Before long it was no longer sunny, the sky was a medium greyish shade of blue. I only stopped when I needed to. 

Eventually it was completely dark, but my path was lighted by the moon and the stars. 

The footprints came to a halt again in another parting of trees. I looked around for the footprints leading out and while doing so, I noticed a scarf on the ground. 

I picked it up and looked closely, it belonged to Celliers. It had his scent, and it was the one I recognized from the courtroom. 

He must have left it behind on accident. 

I followed the footprints out again. 

My sense of time had always been horrible, and I was so out of my senses at this moment so I wasn't sure if it had been minutes or hours since I picked up the scarf. 

My legs were beginning to hurt and my mouth was dry; I should have remembered to bring water. 

I was about to pass out from exhaustion when I noticed some sort of small light ahead of me. I picked up my pace, powered by sheer willpower. It must have been a town, because the closer I got the more lights I saw and the more noises of humans I heard. 

Why were people awake this early? Or maybe it wasn't that early at all, maybe my assumptions about what time it was were completely off.

That became evident soon, as the sky turned greyer. It must have been about 5 o'clock. 

I finally got to a road, and a young woman out walking noticed me. I made a bold move, and asked her where I was. 

She smiled. "You are in a town safe from the war. People here want no part in it, and refugees come here to hide." 

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. 

"Thank you very much, miss!" 

I walked down the road, and entered the town. People were waking up and beginning to sell things on the side of the street. I looked around for Celliers and Lawrence, but they were nowhere in sight. 

So instead I tried to find a hotel or something like that to stay the night so I could rest for a bit. 

There were a couple, and I compared the pricing to each one, the one further away from the center of the town was cheaper so I went in. 

"Hello!" Spoke a man behind a counter in the lobby. 

I gave him the money and he gave me a key. 

I got into the room and put my bag down. I didn't even bother taking my shoes off or getting into something more comfortable, I simply threw myself on the bed and passed out not a moment later. 

In my dreams, Jack Celliers was speaking to me. His voice was tired and low, but he seemed happier than ever. Yet I could hardly understand a word he was saying. A combination of the language barrier between us, and he was speaking very low and quickly, as if he was trying to be as quiet as possible. 

I felt myself floating in and out of sleep eventually, yet I was still hearing the voices both in my sleep and out. It didn't concern me much in the moment, I was too tired to understand what was happening. 

Eventually the voices started to float away, getting slowly quieter and quieter. As this happened, I became fully awake. 

It was dark outside, had I really slept the entire day? 

I looked at the clock next to my bed, which said it was 18 o'clock. I really had slept the entire day. 

I was also extremely hungry. I had noticed the hotel had a free café next to the lobby, which was probably my best option. 

I took a quick shower, changed my clothes, and I felt a lot better and more rested. 

I went downstairs and saw the man in the lobby again, who appeared to be making a deal with two southern asian women who didn't appear to speak much english _or_ japanese. I wondered how they managed to end up here of all places.

I opened the door to the café, and nearly had a heart attack at what I saw. 

Standing right in front of me was Colonel John Lawrence waiting in line to grab a drink, with Jack Celliers sitting at the nearest table.


End file.
